Happy Heavenly Birthday my friend



Photo by Freepik

Today, is my friend P's birthday, she would have turned 40 today. 

I am not good at remembering birthdays, and Facebook has been a lifesaver, that too if I remember to check it on a regular basis. It's funny but my friends are used to me wishing them 2 days in advance, 2 days later or sometimes wishing in advance and then totally forgetting it on the day itself. I have in the past remembered months after and called them and asked did I wish you? sometimes the answer is a No. But I always secretly wish that its a Yes and I was proper about it. 

Anyhow, I have lived, studied and worked in many different cities and countries, and growing up always had "best friends" that I left behind. Some of them I never met again or even kept in touch with. 

But P was special, we met in 7th grade on the very first day I joined. And we connected. We remained friends till I moved countries again in 10th grade. Despite the challenges of being in totally different countries without instant messaging, we stayed in touch through letters. This was the 90s and snail mail was the cheapest way to stay connected internationally.  With Facebook, I connected with so many of school friends again. 

As we get older and move away, we all drift and get busy with our own lives, but some of our friendships leave a deep mark on soul and our memories. For the first time in my life I met my friends from school. I was back to the very same city after almost 10 years and met P again when she and her mum picked me up from the airport. We went to her place, had lunch and then P dropped me at my student accommodation. It was surreal to meet my childhood friend again! She still had her banter and weird sense of humor. Anyone who has met their childhood friend after a very long time knows that sometimes it feels like no time has passed. 

We would hang out, go for a coffee at Starbucks, she loved Nando's, even though was a vegetarian, and once we did this really fun pub crawl after our Nando's ritual!

She crossed heaven side in 2022, which came as a total shock to me when I saw one of our mutual friends post about her passing. I have lost two friends, both too young to leave this world. And both times, the news came to me from social media. I am sometimes scared to open Facebook after a long break because I fear I will see something else that will break my heart. 

P hit some major milestones in a very short span of time, from getting married to having her little boy to battling cancer. But I never in my wildest dreams expected that it can all be taken away just as swiftly. I always say that the biggest pain that anyone can experience is losing a child, but what about the pain that the child experiences on losing a parent. This little boy didn't even know what he was losing but I am certain he felt the pain and separation just as deeply. 

Death is a very unfair experience, losing a loved one, makes you lose all sense of control or reason. There is never a correct answer to the "Why". As we get older, we have begun to see our friends lose their parents, and the grief hits hard. But seeing the elderly parent bidding farewell to their own child, is heartbreaking. I wish I understood the reason for why we leave this world when we leave. I wish there was more we could say and do to ease the pain, suffering and grief. But my realization is that grief never goes away, it stays and changes shape but it never goes away. Each instance of loss embeds within our soul and we re-live through memories and subtle remembrance of the one we lost. Sometimes we look at their photos, or we go to their Facebook pages to remind ourselves of the time they were happy and imagine what life would have been like if they were still here. 

Dear P, wherever you are, I pray that you are peaceful and happy. If you are back on earth in some other form, I hope I meet you someday and know through that undeniable connection that we had met in another life, in another time. I hope you knew that you made a world of a difference to this little kid in a new school in a new country. I hope you knew that you made it that little bit easier to fit in. I will always miss you because you were such an important part of childhood. And I will always think of you when I hear our favourite songs from the 90s or every time I go to a Nandos.  

Through little little things, I will always remember you! 

Wherever you are 💓







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