Turning 40 , therapy and life altering ADHD diagnosis


Turning 40 , therapy and life altering 

ADHD diagnosis


Turning 40 is often a time of reflection and self-discovery, but also dread. For me, it came with a bag of mixed emotions. In the last 6 years, I have battled infertility, experienced multiple miscarriages, seen the business I put everything into shut down, seen myself go from a "successful" person to someone whose self esteem, confidence and bank balance hit zero. I went from feeling independent to being held hostage to my moods, anxieties and worries. 

To keep it simple, I hit rock bottom multiple times, but never as bad as I did in March 2023, where 1 whole month went with really low moods, procrastination, hopelessness and just absolute inactivity. I remember waking up and thinking, what is the point of waking up, why couldn't I just stay asleep and maybe not wake up and think about life. This feeling was so intense, I started to worry and decided to seek therapy. By now I had obviously done my research, by this I mean, reading research papers, and that too proper clinical research papers. 

At my first appointment I met with the psychiatrist for an assessment, and she asked me " what brings you here" and I began to describe my symptoms. Mood swings, distractibility, low motivation, nothing feels exciting, fatigue, hopelessness, zero follow through etc. etc. I went to the extent of self diagnosing ADHD and also adding a disclaimer, that I am obviously not an expert. To my comfort she was not dismissive but rather explained to me that many come to her who think they have ADHD these days due to the way we are interacting with the world especially, social media. I was like ok, so what next. I did a test known as TAT / Thematoc Apperception Test, which helped identify themes in my psychological state that may be the cause. I was asked to do therapy to work through the anxiety and see how we do. 

After 6 months of being in therapy I got my ADHD diagnosis, and my reactions was " I told you so!" Well that's my cheeky side of personality! But it was also a Wow moment.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and it is so deeply misunderstood. Mental Health is so deeply misunderstood. The diagnosis opened up a new space for me, a new perspective and it explained so much. Everything I perceived as a weakness, a flaw that needed fixing turned out to be a symptom of ADHD. The struggle I have experienced all my life became a symptom rather than my fate. I could finally see that there is a way out of this constant struggle. Or simply just an explanation and that for me was very empowering. 

As I write this, I am listening to a podcast about ADHD and I am very far from understanding the condition. I started my ADHD medication 15 days ago. 

This is a journey of self discovery for me where I may finally free myself from my childhood adverse experiences, adult life stress and anxiety. I can now finally put my energy into building my authentic self rather than keep up appearances to fit into the neurotypical expectations. When I turned 40 I said " these are my no F***S 40s!" But I had no idea how true that was going to be! 

There is so much to explore, and with how limited the awareness is, in this space, especially for adult women with ADHD, I am excited to learn and be the person I was always meant to be. 



Location: India

Comments

  1. Amritinderpal KaurNovember 4, 2024 at 6:24 PM

    Thankyou for sharing…it will give hope and clarity to many people❤️

    ReplyDelete

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